top of page

I'm In Love With An Idea...

From being a young boy crying on the edge of my bed, With salted tears and a longing for love, a strange feeling of unrest, Feeling like an adult nursing a teenage head, Why was I like this? Why couldn't I be happy, of what I had instead, Somedays, I just wanted to grow up too fast, I wanted a family, somebody that felt love, with me at last.

I had a vision, of what this would be, Sitting with her, on a hill, under a tree, Knowing that our children were loved, living their lives happy and free.

The first woman came along, I thought I could create this idea, I really believed that I loved her, but now I've realised this wasn't so clear, From this relationship, I've created so many fears, A fear of not being touched, A fear of not being loved, A fear of not being intimate, A fear that I'll never be enough.

This doesn't take away my feelings of being in love, I know I love, just in a different way, When I love, I love with such shame, I see that vision, That idea again, I feel this prison, My walls of pain.

It's right what they say, How can one truly love another, if you don't love yourself, I'm happy in what I do, even though at times I do need help, Sometimes I'm a father, Sometimes I'm a mother, I'm never going to change the world, But, I'm a parent like no other.

I have days that are hard, like most of us we get through them, Days I break my own heart, just to be back in my room on my bed, To get that feeling of being in love, to live for that idea, I need to feel that I am enough, I need to release my darkest fear.

A fear of letting somebody in, Nothing is going to happen, I know this, I get breathless just thinking about it, It scares me, That one day, I could be accepted, It scares me, That my idea could become a reality.

I don't know when I'll change, Will I ever love the same again? Somewhere, you're out there within my idea, Someday, our eyes will stare, Someday, my dear.

I'm in love, Just in love, with an idea...


bottom of page