We all do bad things..."well most of us do" It's like there's a stain over our life; we try to become someone else or we try to do things that's just not us. But today is a fresh start ,we need to look forward; but inside our mind we think it's too hard to do that (we have this feeling that there's some damage that's too hard to come back from). There's a saying that goes " we can have it all just not at the same time" there's a freedom in accepting that. We live so many different lives in one lifetime; when I look at my life at a whole...all the things I've done ,all the things I've been through !!!
All the people I've been...all the love I've received, all the pain I've been through . I am so damn lucky because adversities can make us stronger . I did not come this far to lose everything now; don't abandon your authentic self in an attempt fit in. It's called code switching...when you change the way you talk based on who you talking to ; usually because the way you have traditionally spoken is considered unacceptable by some other group; "in this case main stream white south africa" !!!
You abandon your authentic side in an attempt to fit in; but you know who else code switches; (WOMAN) we fall into line .We fall into language and behavior which fits expectations men have dictated, we make ourselves smaller; less intimidating; less dangerous. For some woman this is what happens during marriage ; many other woman feel this is the only way to make themselves marriage worthy. Repressing who we are is classic unhealthy behavior !!!
The rage that comes as a result of it is real...as is the desperate need for a release... a simulation fitting in has always been a key strategy for survival. But is it really the behavior of which to be proud of; woman need to honor that feelings and respect their validity ; the goal of cos is to return to that one true self; regardless of how uncomfortable it makes others feel; that is what we all need to find; incredible stuff gives us all something to think about !!!