I'm talking myself into circles on this subject with no answers, I know I've done half the work more than anyone...that is too share my traumatic experiences, something I remember from this incident is that this invasion messed up my life and stole my joy,We think that because we survived half the shit we go through that its ok (well no its not ) .
I know its not my fault and that I didn't do anything wrong,I know im allowed to feel what i feel ; just not what the therapist wants me to feel. Giving myself permission (not to relive that day)for it not to work might give me peace of mind !!!!
I am alive that's something to be grateful despite everything else. I realized I can still make changes and honor what made me,what really helped me most is I have a village of caring people from afar and near who wanted me to recover ,pulling for me at every complication of isolation.
As near or close as there were I could literally hear them and it helped (saying stay with us we got you")
This tragedy has been intense everything around me is so intense it has become my thing. I don't think it makes sense for me to wait to heal until my life settled down knowing me it won't, but I do know that whatever happens I will come out even stronger
And that's a challenge i made with myself, I'm still alive people often laugh at that answer they say I look physically dead and I should rejoice being alive .Can anyone who's been through such traumatic episode be ok with being alive "No"...life is always going to give you things to celebrate and yes it will also give you pain,but it's definitely a time to change to grow to love and forgive ... TO BE CONTINUED !!!!!