I know lately I have been missing in action...honestly I needed to take a break from everything for the sake of my sanity. I didn't know whether I was coming or going...my mind was "AWOL" absent without official warning ,felt like my mind has deserted me. Truly the last couple of months has been choatic, my life was falling apart...everything bad was happening to me (physically emotionally and mentally), I was completely confused all the time...wondering what was happening to, like my body has been invaded by a thousand different aliens (seriously that's how I'm feeling right now)!!!
Things were happening to me that I couldn't even phantom...reality check I didn't know what was happening to me. One thing after another...like I was cursed or the universe was against me, the aches and pains I was feeling was nothing that I have ever experienced...believe me when I say I know pain and I can withstand any amount of it. But this pain was soo different, no amount of medication helped me...doctors have no clue as to why these medications weren't working...which left me more baffled . Weird thoughts were going through my mind "do I have cancer? Am I going to die?" !!!
I lost touch with everything and everyone...I concentrated more on my pain than seeking peace and reassurance. I came off social media, distant myself from everyone, wasn't answering calls or text messages ...not that I didn't want too ,I had no strength left in me...for those that know me ,know I love music and that I find my comfort in music... but at this point music wasn't even my priority or my comfort . I just wanted to be left alone ,drowning in my sorrow and pain, not realizing that I was hurting myself and the people that cared for me !!!
This pain took over my daily lifestyle and routine...I allowed this excruciating pain to take over my body and mind completely...it's like I lost hope and just waiting for this pain to kill me or get the better of me...today I got up with a more positive attitude..."even if everything I know is taken away I won't lose hope,I'll cling to the things that give me hope and strength" (my inner being and my inner self)...I am in a place in my life where my peace has been taken away by pain...but I have made a deliberate life choice to protect my mental...emotional and physical state. Note to self...as bad as the pain is there's always a rainbow after every storm !!!