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I hate this ...but i got this !!! FLIP THE ANXIETY SWITCH OFF ...Its actually easier said than done !!!

My therapist says to go out there and face my fears,What the hell is she talking about (has she been in the situation that I have just endured dammit) Hell no she has not...

After facing a life threatening invasion you get people saying all kinds of stuff like be grateful you alive,could have been worst ,get a grip on yourself ,forget what happen, its all in your head !!!.

Dammit yourll were not in the position I was put in, A knife wasn't stuck to yourlls neck ,yourll haven't been beaten from pillar to post ,so yes yourll don't have the right to tell me how to handle what I alone have been through.

Listening to my therapist I took the first step forward and that was to go out in public by myself.It has been the most horrifying experience I have faced, I was terrified of every person I saw ,all my mind was telling me (they looking at you they out to get you) .

Then from out of nowhere my neice grabs me from the back we both surrounded by so many people , I screamed and panicked ,my neice was more terrified of my reaction that she screamed herself . I was trying to face my fears and avoid anything that reminded me of what I've been through, Then only to have someone make me relive that awful experience again...

I stood at the mall so shaken up tears running down my cheeks ,people just staring at me like I'm some kind of freak . I was emotionally numbed, emotionally undetached helps protect me from unwanted drama and anxiety. Having to walk into the mall surrounded by so many people was such a sore point for me, it was a difficult decision to force myself that I'm ready to go out alone...I never knew how extremely hard it was going to affect me facing my demon's . When your mind is all over the place you just need to remain calm as difficult as it may be , its not going to be easy but it's definitely gonna get better...


Stay safe



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