Yes I'm the kinda woman that pushed doors that clearly says pull...I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing. I'm the kinda person who walks into a room and forget why I was there...I count on my fingers when I need to add "like a child learning math". I ask for food then don't eat it when I get it...I give the people around me my all and in return get nothing back. I'm always hiding my pain from my loved ones, when I'm sad or hurting, I'm always saying it's a long story, I'll be okay in a short while when it's really not. I cry alot more than you think I do, I care too much about people who don't care about me. I'm the kinda person who trys to do too many things before the microwave beeps. I will listen to you even though you don't listen to me...some days I'm a goddess, some day I'm a wild child, some days I'm a fragile mess, most days I'm a bit of all three...but everyday I am here trying !!!
At times my fears settle in...like a knife twisting inside me, I find it so hard to breath like I'm dying in suffocation. Tears flow but it's more than just crying, my thoughts gets frozen, like I'm not even trying. How did I get here...and when does all this end?. I reach the end of my rope just to start all over again, barely clinging on with next to no strength. I'm not sure who I am...if this is the old or new me, I wait each day hoping to find a darker place to lay my head and fall into my demise. That doesn't mean I'm useless to others...just means I'm fighting my inner demons alone. I've seen and been through more than most, I can be at the bottom and still lift people up...just can't do it for myself though !!!