I'm stuck between wanting to fall apart and trying to forget that I was ever broken at all...broken doesn't mean damaged, it means starting again and that's just what I'm doing. I'm grabbing my happiness and I'm not letting go, no matter how I get knocked down or stuck again...I got this "broken beautiful and just doing the best I can everyday. It's at night when I'm lying in bed lost in my thoughts that are the hardest". Countless thoughts of what have been, what will be and mostly what would be...it's overwhelming at times. I've been hurt so many times it almost feels normal, now I've been broken apart so often ,I just want to forget how broken I was. I embrace my flaws, my mistakes and pain to become better, it's so hard to overcome the feelings that want so hard to bring me down !!!
All my emotions, thoughts and pain blends together and I'm stuck so often between wanting to come apart completely and trying to forget the people and hurt that brought me to this place. I fight to focus on evolving from the lessons of my past, but sometimes, I get stuck and can't move forward...I'm just mired in the darkness of pain. In the silence of night, when the quiet can be deafening then it's the hardest. When I'm alone with my thoughts and I have nothing to keep me from the darkness other than sleep, which can be so fleeting at times. It's so hard to forget, to let go and move on...but I'm trying. I know that I have to make peace with my pain...and comfort my demons in order to make my angels sing, it's not easy...or fast, but I'm determined to rise out of the dark and find my way back to the light. So yeah maybe I'm broken, but I'm not too shattered to start again and put my pieces back in a better way...I'm beautiful in my broken fragments !!!