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Denying The Denial Stage...

I never thought there would come a day were I would be writing about you as a memory or i would never see you again, I never thought in all my life there'd come a day I'd say you "I LOVE YOU LANDON" and not hear you say it back "I LOVE YOU TOO GRANDMA". And I certainly never thought there'd come a day were we had to figure out what to do with all the things we bought for you that you left behind, I lay in bed sobbing at the fact that you no longer here, I no longer can do the craziest funniest things to irritate you, and hear you scream "STOP IT GRANDMA",  how I'd give anything to have those special priceless moments back. Suddenly my memory floods with everything and for a moment it almost feels like you here with us again !!!

Sometimes it's so difficult to come to terms with reality, so we simply decide not to; I find that sometimes this help me make it through the day. So everyday I tell myself "My Puppy" that this world didn't deserve you...and that's why you had to leave. I tell myself that your heart was just too pure for this cold cold world, and what's funny is that it just gotten colder without you. Every morning when I look at your photo I tell myself that "Heaven" just needed you more; and I have began to believe it so earnestly that I see signs of the fact that this must be true. "Heaven" must have needed you more because I see traces of your beauty in the smallest of things...the sunny days are sunnier and even when lightening strikes I know it's you trying to make your presence a little more noticeable; coz to us you moved like thunder and lightening !!!

Every day I tell myself...that I am one day closer to being with you again; because even though it might take time for it to happen, there is truth that in the fact that every time I open my eyes, I am one day closer to seeing you again and when that day comes, I will hold you in my arms and never let you go my puppy, I'd take a million more videos and photos even when you say "STOP IT GRANDMA NO MORE PICTURES". So yes I choose to be in the unexplainable...I choose to believe in the afterlife; I choose to believe you have gained your angel wings, because if I had to choose between a reality were you cease to exist and a reality were there is the hope that someday we'll be together again...I'll always choose the latter !!!

Don't get me wrong...the day we lost you was the worst day of our life's, and I think it will always be, not one of us was ready. We were all memorized by you "puppy" all of us fell inlove with you, recently we had got to see you so much more...never did we realize we were in for the biggest heartbreak of losing you. Each of us made irreplaceable memories with you not knowing it was the last memories...we never get to hold you for the last time, we never got to tell you we loved you for the last time. Luckily for me I got to see you on the 24-08-23...I got to speak to you even if it was just via video call; I got to screengrab a few photos of you, i got to say "I LOVE YOU" not knowing it was my last time; even though you said STOP IT GRANDMA, I DONT WANNA TALK TO GRANDMA ANYMORE ANYMORE ANYMORE, this year I got to witness your journey to Heaven which I was never prepared for, I got to see you gain your angel wings, all I have is treasured memories of you my Dinobaby !!!


Stay safe



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