LANDON MESHAEL my ANGEL BABY IN HEAVEN💚🕊today is 5 months but feels like yesterday🦕😇 i sit here thinking about the last time I saw your smiling face...I try to picture your expression, hear your voice and think back to our conversations. Tears stream down my face as the images of you flashes through my mind...memories of you overwhelm my emotions in those moments. Flashbacks of what happen to you that day torments me everyday my puppy, questions upon questions; but no answers. I’m caught in that place between disbelief and sadness and my heart hurts in a way that I don’t know how to explain, this deep suffocating pain that I’ve never ever felt before...this pain, this heartache, this emptiness is another level altogether !!!
I look at my phone all the time browsing through your videos and photos and especially the last photo I screen shot of you laying in that hospital bed smiling at me, ("full of joy saying stop it no more photos grandma, i don't like grandma anymore, I'm not gonna talk to grandma anymore") those words pierces my inner being every single day and I cannot wipe away the tears, I'd give anything to hear you say those words to me...
I wish I tried to see you more, or call you more, tell you that I loved you more my puppy. I carry this guilt of hearing you say to your mom (is it my birthday grandma came). I fight back the feelings of guilt as I think about the past..and you. I can’t believe that I can’t call you and hear your voice. I can’t believe your happy smile won’t greet me anymore when I come to visit or call you, part of me doesn’t believe or won't accept that you’re gone, that I’ll never be able to hug you again, hear you laugh or spend time with you again !!!
It’s a hard thing when someone you love dearly is gone, you were just a baby my boy, you never got to experience so many things in this lifetime, i hope you knew how much your grandma loved you puppy and will always love you... i don’t know that I’ll be able to make peace with it for a while, but that’s part of the process, I guess. Maybe I’ll never know or understand why some people are gone too soon and that’s okay, the best thing I can do is live my life in a way that would make you proud and honor your legacy my (Dinobaby). To let love be part of who I am, still, it hurts knowing that I’ll never hug you, hold your hand or see your smile again. One day, dear little one, we will meet again and next time, I’m never letting you go...See you on the other side GRANDMA'S FOREVER LOVE know that you’re in my heart, always !!!