Living with grief...is like living two lives...
LIFE ONE : We pretend everything's alright...when we actually falling apart. Only the people who truly know you, will see through you. We put on our mask and play the happy role everyone expects of us, we talk to people...ask them about there day and we give them some insignificant details of ours that we couldn't care less about-it's better than burdening them with the truth. The masks goes in every morning and doesn't come off until later night when you finally alone, front the choas of the world.
LIFE TWO : Night time comes...it's the time where we cry into the pillow, start reminiscing the day it all happened, questioning (HOW, WHY, HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN, WHAT WENT WRONG) you scream in silence wishing it was just a bad dream or a nightmare. It's the kind that replays...the day over and over in our heads, altering it so I unload my grief when people ask me how I am. It's the one where we're screaming to make sense of it all...we hide our true emotions because others can't handle our truth !!!
When a little or a lot of time has gone by and it still doesn't feel real...that the person isn't here anymore. It's breaking your heart that you'll never hear their voice, their laugh, or feel their touch again. I hope you know it's okay to feel this sadness...it's okay to cry, it's okay to do nothing, it's okay to not feel happiness, let yourself process this loss, let yourself feel the pain and sadness. You're not being selfish or a burden for surviving a loss like this. Grieving can feel like survival some days, and some days it can feel like a task completely draining...some days it can feel like there's a weight lingering heavier than anyone should have to feel, you can't get yourself away from it no matter what you do. To be honest most days...since they left, often feels cloudy even though the sun is out. Remember it's okay...you don't have to force yourself to feel better, or do anything if it feels too much, if you can't relate to my words "then I'm sorry for your loss" !!!
@atticradiothecarouselneverstopsturning
Stay safe
V.
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