I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with what I did not deserve...
My only question is, did I really deserve all of that pain? Why did I put myself through it? When I knew from the beginning it wasn't worth my time...
Healing comes in waves,some days you will drown whilst other days you will float,some days you'll fight to breath,while other days you'll feel like you suffocating, I've been hurt so badly I wish the bad would just go away . I wish I could wash away all the memories but it's not possible!!!
I have hard days and nights where I can't stop thinking about what was done and said to me ,the pain comes and goes ,there's no way to keep it out. But I'm definitely getting stronger everyday , healing doesn't happen fast or how i want it . I don't have the answers why bad things happen or how to heal from it ,all I know is I'm a survivor. It's time to grow and change , but I do believe that there is happiness deep inside you just waiting to burst out.
I know you feel like the waves of life is pulling you under,but believe me it will only pull you under if you allow yourself to drown. You are stronger than you believe "well I am" I've seen it in me.
First find yourself again ,you're worth it and everything. What's done to you is long gone,even though you trying to deal with the pain ,you got this , just keep going. Soon you will see the waves of healing crash you a little less each day, you will be able to swim alittle more .The tides of hurt will be nothing more than a ebbing memory of a time long past . You will rise up like a sunshine mixed with a little hurricane ready to take on the waves like the overcomer you are...
I've reached a point in my life where I feel it is no longer necessary to try an impress anyone,if they like me the way I am ,good and if not "its completely their loss". My watch tells me that I don't have time for bullshit no longer. You learn in life that the only person you can trust is yourself (clear mind happy heart) . Isn't it pathetic how we waste so much time on certain people and in the end, they prove that they weren't even worth a second of it !!!