Emotionally: I'm going through alot , I'm barely getting through it,I'm being my own hero even though I'm a very weary and tired hero,life brought me to my knees,I didn't have a choice...there was one choice in my book " I could stay down and give up" or i could do what I always do and get back up,dust myself and start over. I needed to be my own heroine,I don't want to be saved ,fixed or even be loved. I do however want to be respected, understood and appreciated...people may see my smile or hear my laughter and think everything is just wonderful;some days it is !!!
I'm not going to worry myself over things I can't control...I'll just let life's stuff work itself out the way it supposed to . Those times that get me down ,I'm sad or struggling, you don't see my eyes to understand the pain permeating my soul...im handling my life like I always do. I figure it out even when I have no idea what I doing - which feels like most of the time. To be honest it's hard keeping it together when all i do is fall apart . So I tuck away those harrowing moments in the quiet times I have ...I cry in the shower, scream loudly when I'm by myself at home!!!
I sit and hollow in a container of ice cream ,or snacking (comfort food)...
not because I hungry ,but because it calms me some how . I've given up following rules and traditions, I make my own these days . Sometimes you might see me ,I look polished and put together-other days ,I'm a whirlwind of a beautiful mess ...I never apologize for who I am or how I carry myself. Because most of the time ,im doing the best I can , like everyone else, I have both happy and sad days !!!
So, when you see me,you might never know the type of day I'm having ,that's okay...im going to be fine- I always am.
My happy days gets me through my hard days, I take my victories when and where I can find them. For me ,for now,
that will have to be enough .I'll make sure that tomorrow is always the hope for a brighter day ...I can ,I will ...because I always do !!!