Loss is hard because it doesn't make sense...someone who was always here with us is no longer apart of us (doesn't make sense). So if you having trouble navigating this, you're not alone it's very normal and you not gonna be okay, (well not anytime soon). Now we have to remember you for longer than we have known you...your memories sneaks up on our minds and tears roll down our cheeks. We will still choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality; we'd find you and we'd chose you over again. How sad to face the future without the one we loved (our little human, our hurricane, our dinobaby). I guess this is how our chapter ends...it is one we'll read over and over again, maybe in another universe we will continue our story together, you have no idea how badly we want to have you back or just seeing your face light up on the other side of our phone; I promise you we'll never be that us again !!!
Losing you felt so numb at first...like the world around us was out of reach, all we did was sit and stare, while the world kept turning for everyone but us, which brings us to today, it's been hard not easy trying to move forward...we are not done loving you, as hard as we try i dont see us forgetting you anytime, you will always be kept safely in our broken hearts. Writing about you is the hardest...how do I fit three years of loving you on a single page double-spaced?
How i have to chose details, moments and memories worth sharing, and determine what's best and what's to be erased? Feels impossible for me to speak your loss into existence...how do I write of your short life when there was still so much you could have been !!!
It feels as though my heart drops out of my chest...that feeling when there's turbulence. For a moment, I think I stopped breathing...at times I have to remind myself to breath. My heart was solidified the moment your heart stopped...because in that moment mine did too. The only difference is that over time, mine kept beating...while the universe had other plans for you. My heart broke before I even lost you, it began the moment I heard you were being resuscitated...in my mind I was praying earnestly for God to heal you and not take you from us. I don't think I will ever be able to shake the way it felt...to really know we were going to lose you. When I had to share the news of your passing...it felt like saying bad words as a child, I shouldn't have ever had to say those words; and in doing so, it felt as though I confirmed a reality I wasn't yet ready to accept, because if there's anything simply about losing you, it's knowing that the pain and headache never ends, at least not for us !!!