Got up this morning...looked at the mirror and shouted out, start over lovely lady; be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. There were so many times I didn't think I would make it...the heartbreak, life or failure would finally overwhelm me. The days that everything could go wrong, the days it took everything I had just to keep going. People tell me I'm strong; brave or whatever word they chose to use...to me it was just survival. I don't have all the answers, and I don't know were this life is taking me, all I know is I'm not quitting. Underneath all my hurt and pain, my mistakes and bad decisions, the past darkness of my life...there was a flickering light that kept calling to me:"it would whisper to me in the midst of my struggle"(DONT GIVE UP)!!!
Everytime i wanted to throw in the towel...each time I thought I was done, this is the end for me. I would think of that distant light that muster up the courage to pick myself up...dust myself off and press forward. It was always painful and hard, never without strife or struggle; but I always find my way. I have always lived in a constant state of fear-holding my breath waiting for the next bad thing, heartache or dissapointment to come looking for me. That's a tough place to live when you're always expecting disaster around every corner. I got to a point when I just got tired...tired and fed up. I was sick of living my life everyday, holding onto my painful past and thinking that what I was doing would change my present or future !!!