I'm actually in a period of my life where I'm a bit lost...infact I'm not even sure how I feel anymore (sad, angry, fustrated,happy or depressed), in the presence of others I laugh and talk, but as soon as I'm alone in my own home I feel no emotion to carry on "nothing". I simply find myself face to face with myself...I dive into my thoughts searching for a spark of clarity. I try to understand this inner emptiness, this absence of emotion that sets in when distractions fade !!!
I realize that sometimes silence and solitude are necessary...they force introspection, yes it's uncomfortable, and yes it's confusing but maybe it's my mind's way of telling me it's time to take a moment for myself. Maybe this apparent calm...this opportunity to ask some fundamental questions, to reconsider what I really want. Redefine my priorities...remember you can't be strong all the time, sometimes you just need to be alone and let your tears out...the questions people throw at me, is now not acceptable to me, though I'm not gonna reteliate, I'm just gonna let them be !!!
I'm tired of giving my all and never being enough...I'm tired of changing for people who don't even recognize my change or my worth. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep and waking up in the morning not recognizing myself. I'm tired of people telling me I'm selfish, I'm tired of people telling me I'm stubborn, im tired of people telling me I'm stagnant, I'm tired of hearing it's all about me or I'm all about myself... I'm tired of not being enough (PERIOD). To be honest I feel like I'm losing myself to please others !!!
I've realized that no one is ever good enough for any person. There's no amount of perfection that you portray will give others the satisfaction they expecting. There will always be something that's wrong about you to the people who's not right for you...they're always gonna find something wrong in you. You may be too big or too small in their eyes, but you're the perfect size for the heart of people that's meant to love you
You maybe too poor or too rich for some people, or your house is too small or too big, remember wealth and materialistic things does not define you, it's your kindness/humbleness and character that matters. You may be too outgoing or too shy in some people's eyes...but you got the perfect personality for the one's that loves you !!!
You maybe too black, too brown or too white in people's eyes, but you are the perfect color for the one's that love you. Never let how people feel about you change how you feel about yourself...never let your value be determined by anyone's preferences. You're valuable not because of how someone sees you, you're valuable because that's how you were created to be. How someone treats you is not a reflection of what you deserve...(it's not) it's just a reflection of what you're settling for. I promise you this you will always see yourself as less...if you continue to see yourself through the eyes of people who cares less about you !!!
You will always see yourself as less trying to change for people who will never change for you. You have to stop giving people the power to control how you feel about yourself. Anybody can love your perfections that's easy...but the one's that are meant to love you and be apart of your life's journey are the one's who will still love you, even at your most imperfect moments. So don't allow someone's opinions or judgments or preferences dictate to you...let go of everything that's keeping you from loving yourself. THIS IS SO POWERFUL AND PROFOUND !!!