My specialty is pretending everything is normal...After all the fires I have walked through: its my time to shine with the stars ...I will not allow myself to succumb to bullshit ,breakouts,fallouts and petty criticism. Everybody needs to see me for the "dark Phoenix reborn" and shining with the stars. I want to prove to myself and everyone that I'm still me... I need to prove to myself that I am still incharge ,I'm not done re-improving myself ,not by a long short...
This is the world we live in...fight or be killed "metaphorical speaking" .
Subconsciously I feel inadequate, like there's something missing inside me,
(maybe it's my intuition) but deep down there's this feeling in my bones. It's hard to explain this feeling that I have of being insecure ,maybe delusional "not in a creepy way but in a good way ".
I have this feeling of hopelessness, I see things falling apart around me and in my life and I feel it's my fault . I wanna fix things but it seems out of my capabilities, I want to do more but deep down something is stopping me. Am I paranoid? Maybe I am ,maybe I'm not ,with everything thats been happening in my life I won't rule out paranoia !!!
These are all inner demons wrestling with my sanity ; I myself only have the power to stop it, i need to confront my inner demons... break loose ,nip it at the bud ,do some soul searching ,find out whats causing these demons to rapture and taunt me . Firstly I need to take charge, observe my own heart learnt advice ,trend carefully not to awaken the horrific beast that sleeps within...
We all have this inner beast inside us ,sometimes it's a good feeling, sometimes not , we need that fighting spirit at times ,living in this day and time ,with everything that is happening around us ,we need to fight to stay alive (don't get me wrong I don't mean fight in the physical that's far from it,I mean fight the battles in our mind) !!!
We need that still inside voice saying it's gonna be ok ...we got this ...you not alone...you can do the impossible...you are a conqueror, a survivor, a warrior, a soldier. We need to however fight that beast that makes us do the inevitable stuff; like fighting for no reason...being cruel ...being bossy...undermining helpless individuals ...stirring up unnecessary waters ...being a bitch for fame ... There's always two sides to a story ,likewise there is two sides to each and every human being ,don't allow the darkness inside you to drown you...so today use your dark and bright sides wisely ...remember it was given to you by higher power ,it can also destroy you by that same power !!!